It seems like it was just yesterday when your newborn baby wrapped her hand around your finger and it was probably at that particular time when you made a promise to yourself that you’ll take care, love and cherish her forever!
Now, the time has come for them to leave home to either continue their studies, move in with their partner or in-laws, or travel abroad and you’re not sure how to feel about these new changes.
The mere thought of your child leaving home can deeply sadden you. However, know that it’s completely normal to what you’re feeling as it’s a common condition that most parents experience, Empty Nest Syndrome (ENS).
What’s Empty Nest Syndrome?
According to the Ministry of Health Malaysia, ENS is referred to as the feeling of loneliness or parents grieving over their child who’ve moved out of home for a number of reasons such as:
- After settling down for marriage
- To further their studies
- Escaping conflict at home
- To start a life on their own
- Found a place that’s closer to the place they work or study
To add on, ENS is not a clinical diagnosis, rather a transitional period in many parents’ or guardian’s lives that highlight various types of emotions once their child leaves home. These
conditions usually affect mothers as they’re often seen as the primary caregiver, but it can develop among fathers who have a good relationship with their child too.
Do you have ENS?
First and foremost, dealing with Empty Nest Syndrome is nothing to be ashamed of. It is extremely normal to feel overwhelmed when your child has recently left the nest, as it is a part of experiencing ENS. Some of the common feelings you might endure include:
- Sadness.
- Easily irritable.
- A loss of purpose.
- Frustration over the lack of control on their child’s life.
- Despite working or being around friends, your days might still feel a bit empty.
- Physical symptoms such as headaches and unable to sleep well.
- Constantly worrying about your child’s safety and if they’re able to care for themselves.
- You were once defined by your role as a parent, but now it seems like you’re no longer the main focus.
Your chance to finally focus on you!
Without all of the hustle and bustle you experienced when your child was living under your roof, now, you’re not sure what to do with yourself.
Instead of feeling down or saddened by the thoughts that your child no longer lives with you, why don’t you use this opportunity to focus on you?
Being parents means sacrificing some of the things you’ve always wanted to do. Instead of trying to change the circumstances, simply accept the timing and realise that it’s impossible to be in control of your child’s life as they entered adulthood.
So, use this opportunity to get back on track with everything you’ve missed doing for yourself and some of it may include:
- Treating yourself to a manicure and pedicure.
- Going for a relaxing massage.
- Plan a vacation with your partner or friends.
- Revive the romance in your life.
- Go on a romantic date with your partner.
- Establish new goals.
- Last but not least, stay positive.
Look for new opportunities in both your personal and professional life that will keep you busy, as it will help ease the sense of loss or loneliness from your child’s departure. Apart from that, do not keep your feelings and emotions bottled up. Talk to your friends, colleagues or relatives about this new phase of your life. Severe cases of ENS can lead to depression, anxiety and alcoholism.
Remember that you’re still a parent to your child and they still need you.
Help parents deal with ENS the right way!
If you or your siblings have just left home to live with your in-laws, continue studies or work abroad, remember to always visit your parents whenever you can. If ever you can’t visit them, give them a call and explain to them why there’s a change in the plan. This way they will feel more at ease instead of waiting for you at the front door only to realise that you’re actually not coming back home. Plus, send your parents a gift or something to remind them that you will always love and care for them.
Sources: Health, Psychology Today, Ministry of Health Malaysia
